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Big City Life

So, I’m finally here, at the University of Newcastle, and it seems as though The Daily Mail et al were right after all, the streets are in fact plagued with incoherant, sex mad, working class drunkards who lack morals.

Several days ago I witnessed something truly disgusting. Upon leaving Central Train Station I encountered a group of nuns sitting on the steps of St Mary’s Cathedral, and they were not behaving as nuns would be expected to. As I approached I heard several of the nuns hurling abuse at passing atheists. As I got closer I noticed that some of the nuns were even unconscious due to the amount of wine they had consumed (no doubt it had been stolen from the Cathedral), several were also flashing passers by, regardless of their religious beliefs. It didn’t just stop with the nuns however, a priest appeared from inside the holy building with a large bottle of whiskey in one hand and some sort of smoking pipe in the other. He approached one of the nuns, grabbed her around the waist and shoved his tongue down her throat. He didn’t stop at a snog either. He removed his garments and lifted up the nun’s own garment. Several of the other nuns began to join in, with a couple performing acts on each other. Whilst this was happening, another nun was vomiting violently, she then fell back and began to choke on her own vomit, the other nuns and the priest began to laugh uncontrollably as they carried on with their unspeakable acts of degradation. I immediately called the police, but they never turned up. The Fire Service was sent instead and the Firemen were powerless against the hedonistic hoard as they were all Polish dwarves, the only people willing to work for such pathetic wages.

Under the guise of holy people, nuns and priests have been getting away with these sorts of activities for many years. No wonder church attendances are dropping! Also, is there any wonder why so many people have lost faith in the different police forces up and down the country?! In Lancaster just last week, the police were called to calm down unrest at a party but when the policemen arrived they just began to strip and dance in a suggestive manner. This is not law enforcement, it’s Political Correctness gone mad! Instead of just barging in and sorting out issues with authority they either don’t want to offend minorities or they dance around the issue! When will Tony Blair and his gay, blind and fat friends realise this?! We need somebody who doesn’t beat around the Bush (get it!!!?) and isn’t afraid of offending people. A common sense champion is what this country needs, and we need him fast!!!


8 responses to “Big City Life

  1. I had the pleasure of meeting a nun just the other week, she was the a sister from Newcastle and she allowed me to expostulate my juicy man juice into her face while father john james was giving her anal sex, it was a very enlightening experience and I hope to repeat it again in the coming weeks…..

  2. clicheguevara ⋅

    Here here my son.

    But it’s not just the clergy you know? It was recently revealed to me that LOLLYPOP LADIES, those who help children cross roads, have been pushing drugs on NINE YEAR OLDS. That’s right: the so-called carers of our children hve been getting them HOOKED on DRUGS like HEROIN and CRACK COCAINE.

    What next? Pre-school prostitution?


    Concerned hypocrites of Middle England

  3. Ste For Sure ⋅

    Graham, that was the funniest thing ive read in a while.

    “common sense champion” awesome phrase!

    Keep ’em coming

  4. clicheguevara ⋅

    I see your nob retained my interest for a considerable period of time, Mr Lean.

  5. clicheguevara ⋅

    Gosh, I sure do love eating my own faeces.

  6. clicheguevara ⋅

    Stop eating my condiments and butter me up you sexy bastard.

  7. Mr Petit ⋅

    Tres amusant. I can not wait to come to Newcastle now

  8. Big Smalley ⋅

    I love it, I love it all……..A common sense champion is what this country needs, and we need him fast!!!

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