Firstly, I would just like to make an apology to all readers of this blog regarding the time it has taken me to conduct and publish another interview.
As Channel Four‘s Shrink Rap stole Chris Langham away from me I am not able to bring you an interview with Chris Langham. Langham did apologise for cancelling his interview with me, apparently he had bigger fish to fry and wanted to get his side of recent events out via a “credible” organisation. However, Langham, you and all your perverted cronies at Channel 4 don’t matter now as I’ve gone several better and brought in ruler of South Rhodesia, I mean Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe.
Inane Rambler: It’s been quite a task but we’ve finally managed to track you down, President Mugabe.
Robert Mugabe: Good evening, Mr Rambler. It’s good to know that there’s someone you can trust amongst all those lying white devils.
IR: Of course, trust is definitely a big issue in your country. Let me move on to my first question which goes back to the early days of your Premiership and your conflict with Canaan Banana.
RM: Yes, a very strange man. A dirty homosexual, you know!?
IR: Yes, my question is actually about the charges that were brought on Mr Banana, the charges of sodomy and homosexuality. What evidence was there behind the charges?
RM: Well, there was plenty of evidence, Mr Rambler. The man was a blatant batty boy! He even tried to sodomise me, with a banana no less!
IR: Oh, how ironic! Banana and his banana!
RM: That’s not irony, you fool!!! Irony, in this instance anyway, would be an incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs. I had thousands of people tortured for misunderstanding irony.
IR: Of course! I meant fitting, Banana and his banana is fitting. Yes, fitting.
RM: What do you mean fitting?! What are you insinuating?! It didn’t fit anywhere!!!
IR: I didn’t mean it in that way, Mr Mugabe! I meant fitting as opposed to ironic.
RM: Well you fucking better mean it in that way, I’m quite a powerful man in this country.
IR: You don’t say, President Mugabe. Did Canaan Banana grease his banana up first or did he try to force it in dry?
RM: Well, at first it felt very dry so I then told him to spit on it to make it easier. Obviously now, in my old age, my anal sphincter is much more relaxed making penetration a relatively trouble free task, however retention is a different matter altogether.
IR: Indeed. Would you give any advice to readers of this blog for matters concerning anal penetration and/or retention?
RM: Well, I’m no agony aunt!
IR: Don’t put yourself down, President Mugabe, I’m sure you’re a man of the world and your advice on any matter is of utmost value.
RM: You are kind, young rambler.
IR: Why thankyou, President Mugabe.
RM: I have a bunch of bananas and a stun baton in my office, would you mind doing some “investigative journalism”?
IR: It would be my pleasure, Mr President.
At this point the interview ground to an abrupt, non-sexual, halt.
The editor of this blog has come to the decision not to publish any more interviews with famous politicians, television personalities, dictators, musicians, alleged paedophiles, actual paedophiles, potential paedophiles showing encouraging signs of paedophilia, street urchins, bearded ladies, shoeless shoe shop owners, and so on and so forth. They are becoming almost overwhelmingly silly.